Wednesday, July 28, 2004
It's My Life - The Rest of the Story
Previously on "It's my life...." read the other post - it's too long for me to reiterate.
Ok, so now we're in August of 1994 - has it really been 10 years? That's crazy. Anyway, I'm moving into a dorm room in McConnell hall and meeting roughly 400 people I've never seen in my life for the first time. Not that that's a bad thing - just unusual (for me). So I get all of my things into my dorm room and meet up with a few of the people I remember from the preview/interview days. We begin our friendship.
Roughly a week later, we begin classes. My first class was a general biology class - along with about 100 other students. I'd never been in a class so large! I'd always been in classes of about 15-30, so this was just unfathomable. Culture shock in the extreme. I also attended several other classes - chemistry, english literature, etc.
So, I'm taking classes and all the while trying to adjust to life on a very large college campus. I think the year I started, they said about 25,000 students attended UNT.
Being away from home in such a big city, I became a little lax in my studying and class attendance. As a result, my second semester GPA was 2.19. Not quite failing, but I made a lot of C's that semester. Realizing what was happening, I started studying a lot harder, actually going to class (most of the time) and came out of TAMS with a 2.98 cumulative GPA and 65 hours. Not such a stellar performance from someone as bright as I consider myself to be.
I really enjoyed my experiences at TAMS. While some days I wish I had paid more attention, gone straight the whole time and made better grades, I'm also glad that I had fun while I had the chance. There was a time when I cursed myself almost every day (i.e. while I was applying to medical schools with a 3.29 GPA because of those 65 wasted hours); now that I have a couple more years under my belt, I realize it didn't really matter (I got into medical school anyway) and I don't know what I'd do without those experiences. I'd probably be a lot more boring, if anything. I think I grew a lot at TAMS as a person and intellectually (even if it isn't reflected in my grades). I found out who I am and where I want to go with my life - the kind of person I want to be.
So, in 1996, I graduated from TAMS and was all set to go to Baylor University on a partial scholarship. However, that was not to be my fate, as you shall see.
In late July, 1996, I attended an "orientation" session at Baylor - the purpose was to introduce the new students to the campus and get them registered for classes and let them intermingle with each other a bit. This turned out to be perhaps the best thing that ever happened to me. While at Baylor, I found out what the school is really like - the people that attend school there, the faculty, everything. I also learned that I REALLY didn't like it there and I would NOT fit in. So I withdrew from that school that day.
Of course, now it is July, school starts in late August and I now have nowhere to attend college! I was thinking "OH CRAP! This isn't good." Fortunately for me, I was able to basically walk in at my hometown school and start taking classes there. Also fortunately for me, while attending BFE-University I had the priveledge of working with perhaps the most knowledgeable pre-medical advisor in the history of pre-medical advisors: Dr. A.B. We had multiple very long and serious discussions about my future medical career. It was his idea for me to pursue a career in nursing while finishing up my premedical requirements.
According to Dr. B., this would serve several purposes
1. It would give me time to bring up my GPA, which at the time was sitting at a less-than-stellar 2.98
2. It would give me much-needed experience in the medical field
3. I would have a viable backup plan in case my plans of medical school were to fail
4. I would have a good job in the meantime, even if my plans of entering medical school were realized.
And so, during my first year of classes at BFE-U, I applied and gained entry into their school of nursing. Meanwhile, I continued to take pre-medical courses as well as the pre-requisites for nursing school, which consisted of anatomy and physiology, nursing microbiology (I took the regular version), statistics, and some basic english stuff I didn't CLEP out of because I was too lazy to take the test. All of which I made A's in, so I have a 4.0 GPA for that year. Yippee, I'm going in the right direction.
During the summer prior to my second year of school at BFE-U (1997), I entered the nursing program. I was one of 4 guys in the program - only 2 of us were heterosexual. Right away, I saw the odds were in our favor.
As classes started to wind up, I realized that nursing school was not anything I expected it to be. We were taught nothing medical at all. It was all "nursing theory" and "history" about Florence Nightingale, the "mother of nursing." I'm sure what Ms. Nightingale did was very important, but do I think it has anything to do with the medical or even the nursing professions? No. It was brainwashing - plain and simple. We were made to memorize and recite dates and events just like we were in high school. The tests were just about as bad. Nothing concrete, no medical or even nursing facts - completely subjective stuff about what, according to so-and-so's theory of basic needs, would be the most important to address first? And nevermind the care-plans and physicals we had to write up. Even in medical school a complete history and physical is not 10 typed pages. It was ridiculous. Nothing real, only busy work. Of course, I looked at it as hoops: I'd decided long ago that everything we do is only jumping through hoops to get to our goals... school, the MCAT, applications, interviews, medical school, board exams, residency applications, etc, etc, etc. It is all hoops to get to our final goal of becoming a physician. Even then we'll have hoops - certification exams, licensure, CME requirements.. it never ends. It's all just hoops.
Finally, after 2 years go by, I graduate from nursing school. By this time (1999) , I'm so jaded with nursing school, I decide I'm not going to pursue a bachelor's degree in it. If I HAVE to have a bachelor's, I'll get it in computer science or something. So I get a job as a Graduate Nurse at a local hospital and wait to take the nursing board exams - the NCLEX. That was a joke. Don't ever let any nurse tell you different or lie to you about how hard they studied. It was a complete and total joke. I thought our nursing school exams were ridiculous - they were written just like the NCLEX questions. The teachers at school were only preparing us for the NCLEX all along! So I passed the first time, with no problems. Shortly after this time, I also got married. Another mistake. It has since been corrected.
So I start working as a Registered Nurse on a Medical/Surgical floor at Shannon Medical Center in San Angelo, Tx. At first, it was kind of cool - going to work. After a while, I really got tired of seeing the same patients day after day after day after day after day every time I came in to work. Even after I'd had some time off, the same patients. I felt like an underpaid babysitter - I knew I had to get out. So I start looking around for another job. I apply to the emergency department downstairs and am refused - twice. So, I applly to the ED across town at the other hospital in town - and get a part time position. I begin working there "part time" 40 hours a week. After a month, they decide they want to make me full time and I get to tell the nursing supervisor on the Med/Surg floor just what I think of her and her unit. I'd been waiting for that for almost a year.
Don't think that everything about nursing school and nursing in general is bad - it's not. The money is great if you work it right (if not, you get paid peanuts), you can't really beat the hours, the job market is insane (have you ever heard of the nursing shortage?), and the work (in certain areas) is very cool. I just wasn't meant to be a med/surg nurse - or a ward nurse in general, I think. Of course, this may have been only this one unit - there were some extenuating circumstances going on as well as what is listed above - nothing is ever black-and-white. I may have been perfectly happy on another unit or in another hospital.
Working in the Emergency Department as a nurse is about as close to what I envision true nursing to be as one can get. When people talk about the healthcare "team," this is what they are talking about. Nurses working alongside physicians working alongside respiratory, etc. Everyone works toward a common, forseeable goal. And everyone works hard. None of the shirking responsibility I was always experiencing on the floors. If something doesn't get done, a person can have a bad outcome - not necessarily die, but they might be in the department longer than they need to, etc. Believe me, the physicians and nurses want as few people in the waiting room as possible - so if your treatment takes too long, they start to get edgy.
During this time, I finished up my prerequisites for medical school and took the MCAT. I also decided I wanted to do some travelling before I started school again. I started looking into travel nursing positions. After a few months I landed a position in Philadelphia at Presby. Presby is a nice little "community" hospital right on the cusp of West Philly - not too good a place to be caught late at night, but if you continue down Market for about 10 more blocks, it's a whole lot less good - if you know what I mean.
In May of 2001, we move up to Philadelphia and I started working at Presby. What I didn't realize when I took the job is that Presby is a teaching institution affiliated with the University of Pennsylvania. Very cool, indeed. For 6 months, I got to hang out with residents and medical students, pick their brains and even teach them a little. I also made some of the best friends of my life. Presby was a very cool place and I would love to go back there some day as an attending physician. I really became interested in perhaps pursuing an academic position after going to Presby.
During September of 2001, a group of freaks from the middle east decided to drive a bunch of planes into a few buildings around the nation. I got called in to work that day and spent 12 hours working on a disaster call. That was a bad day in Philadelphia. Everyone was scared and panicked. Noone knew what would happen next and we saw probably more than three times our usual volume that day because everyone in the surrounding neighborhood was freaked. To tell the truth, so were we. The following day, myself and a group of nurses from Presby volunteered to go up to NYC to help, but were refused. They said they already had more help than they could use - which was a good thing.
Of course, during this time, I was interviewing for medical school. I had an interview at XYZ medical school I think the week after September 11th. That was not a fun time to be in the airports. I also had a few other interviews I had to fly out for over the ensuing months, but standing in line for 6 hours the week after 9/11 trying to catch a flight to LMNOP state was not fun. The others were cake-walks in comparison.
I finished my assignment in Philadelphia in December of 2001 and we drove back to LMNOP to enjoy Christmas with my family before starting my next assignment. Why did I choose to come to QRS? I was all but told during my interview that would be accepted at ABC and I loved the school so much I decided to come here and anticipate matriculation in the fall. I took a travel position and worked there for 7 months until school started.
Since then, I have been in medical school.
And that is basically my life up until this point. I'll write more about the intervening time in future entries and tell all about my first 2 years of medical school - and of course I'll be writing about my current experiences as well.
I hope you've enjoyed my life story. Not the best, nor the brightest, but all mine.
more to come...
posted 28 July 2004, Wednesday
A visitor made this comment,
I knew I wanted to become a doctor, however I did really badly on my second year of undergrad were I lost completely my self-confidence and onward my grade kept dropping to the point of C average. I just barely graduated; I could not even pursuit a Master degree, as most programs require at least a B average. I went right into the work force, because of financial necessities, but I find my self everyday, thinking about only if I chosen an easier undergrad program I could have had a good GPA and could have gone to med school. Now I am afraid if I drop everything and go back to school, how about if I can’t do well again. I don’t have the self-confidence, motivation, but it’s still my dream to become a doctor, I almost 29 yrs. I don’t see myself going back to school for at least few years, because of financial obligations. As a result of this I feel completely hopeless. I guest the reason why I am writing to you is that your store really inspires me and I just want to know how you stayed focus and motivated. Thank you, and sorry for my bad English.
Udona
comment added :: 9th December 2004, 11:49 GMT-06
DeLaughterDO made this comment,
Udona,
Thanks for sharing your story with us! I understand what it can feel like to be worried you cannot realize your dreams - hell, I STILL sometimes feel that way and I'm in med school (some days it just doesn't feel REAL).
What can I tell you about motivation? Probably nothing you don't already know in your heart of hearts. Becoming a physician is your dream. If you want it badly enough and every day you ache for it, you'll find a way.
The first step is always the hardest. Once you're out of school and in the workplace, it can be VERY scary to return to school and have to quit working (especially since you become dependent on that income). Could you possibly take an evening class or two to try to get back into the practice of studying?
Do you have someone close to you that is supportive of your dream? I know that is often the most helpful when you are having difficulty believing in yourself... to have your own personal cheerleader, if you will. They can help you through the harder times when you only want to sit down and give up.
First and foremost - I think you need to look seriously into yourself and decide if medicine is something you really, truly want. It's not an easy road; if you are easily discouraged, it might not be for you. You have to be tough-minded and goal-oriented.
I wish you luck in your journey. I think you can do it if you truly want to. Age is not a reason to give up on your dreams. I am 28 now.. We have several people in our class over 40! You're much younger than that...
Look into your heart and follow your dreams! ¶ 9:04 PM
Ok, so now we're in August of 1994 - has it really been 10 years? That's crazy. Anyway, I'm moving into a dorm room in McConnell hall and meeting roughly 400 people I've never seen in my life for the first time. Not that that's a bad thing - just unusual (for me). So I get all of my things into my dorm room and meet up with a few of the people I remember from the preview/interview days. We begin our friendship.
Roughly a week later, we begin classes. My first class was a general biology class - along with about 100 other students. I'd never been in a class so large! I'd always been in classes of about 15-30, so this was just unfathomable. Culture shock in the extreme. I also attended several other classes - chemistry, english literature, etc.
So, I'm taking classes and all the while trying to adjust to life on a very large college campus. I think the year I started, they said about 25,000 students attended UNT.
Being away from home in such a big city, I became a little lax in my studying and class attendance. As a result, my second semester GPA was 2.19. Not quite failing, but I made a lot of C's that semester. Realizing what was happening, I started studying a lot harder, actually going to class (most of the time) and came out of TAMS with a 2.98 cumulative GPA and 65 hours. Not such a stellar performance from someone as bright as I consider myself to be.
I really enjoyed my experiences at TAMS. While some days I wish I had paid more attention, gone straight the whole time and made better grades, I'm also glad that I had fun while I had the chance. There was a time when I cursed myself almost every day (i.e. while I was applying to medical schools with a 3.29 GPA because of those 65 wasted hours); now that I have a couple more years under my belt, I realize it didn't really matter (I got into medical school anyway) and I don't know what I'd do without those experiences. I'd probably be a lot more boring, if anything. I think I grew a lot at TAMS as a person and intellectually (even if it isn't reflected in my grades). I found out who I am and where I want to go with my life - the kind of person I want to be.
So, in 1996, I graduated from TAMS and was all set to go to Baylor University on a partial scholarship. However, that was not to be my fate, as you shall see.
In late July, 1996, I attended an "orientation" session at Baylor - the purpose was to introduce the new students to the campus and get them registered for classes and let them intermingle with each other a bit. This turned out to be perhaps the best thing that ever happened to me. While at Baylor, I found out what the school is really like - the people that attend school there, the faculty, everything. I also learned that I REALLY didn't like it there and I would NOT fit in. So I withdrew from that school that day.
Of course, now it is July, school starts in late August and I now have nowhere to attend college! I was thinking "OH CRAP! This isn't good." Fortunately for me, I was able to basically walk in at my hometown school and start taking classes there. Also fortunately for me, while attending BFE-University I had the priveledge of working with perhaps the most knowledgeable pre-medical advisor in the history of pre-medical advisors: Dr. A.B. We had multiple very long and serious discussions about my future medical career. It was his idea for me to pursue a career in nursing while finishing up my premedical requirements.
According to Dr. B., this would serve several purposes
1. It would give me time to bring up my GPA, which at the time was sitting at a less-than-stellar 2.98
2. It would give me much-needed experience in the medical field
3. I would have a viable backup plan in case my plans of medical school were to fail
4. I would have a good job in the meantime, even if my plans of entering medical school were realized.
And so, during my first year of classes at BFE-U, I applied and gained entry into their school of nursing. Meanwhile, I continued to take pre-medical courses as well as the pre-requisites for nursing school, which consisted of anatomy and physiology, nursing microbiology (I took the regular version), statistics, and some basic english stuff I didn't CLEP out of because I was too lazy to take the test. All of which I made A's in, so I have a 4.0 GPA for that year. Yippee, I'm going in the right direction.
During the summer prior to my second year of school at BFE-U (1997), I entered the nursing program. I was one of 4 guys in the program - only 2 of us were heterosexual. Right away, I saw the odds were in our favor.
As classes started to wind up, I realized that nursing school was not anything I expected it to be. We were taught nothing medical at all. It was all "nursing theory" and "history" about Florence Nightingale, the "mother of nursing." I'm sure what Ms. Nightingale did was very important, but do I think it has anything to do with the medical or even the nursing professions? No. It was brainwashing - plain and simple. We were made to memorize and recite dates and events just like we were in high school. The tests were just about as bad. Nothing concrete, no medical or even nursing facts - completely subjective stuff about what, according to so-and-so's theory of basic needs, would be the most important to address first? And nevermind the care-plans and physicals we had to write up. Even in medical school a complete history and physical is not 10 typed pages. It was ridiculous. Nothing real, only busy work. Of course, I looked at it as hoops: I'd decided long ago that everything we do is only jumping through hoops to get to our goals... school, the MCAT, applications, interviews, medical school, board exams, residency applications, etc, etc, etc. It is all hoops to get to our final goal of becoming a physician. Even then we'll have hoops - certification exams, licensure, CME requirements.. it never ends. It's all just hoops.
Finally, after 2 years go by, I graduate from nursing school. By this time (1999) , I'm so jaded with nursing school, I decide I'm not going to pursue a bachelor's degree in it. If I HAVE to have a bachelor's, I'll get it in computer science or something. So I get a job as a Graduate Nurse at a local hospital and wait to take the nursing board exams - the NCLEX. That was a joke. Don't ever let any nurse tell you different or lie to you about how hard they studied. It was a complete and total joke. I thought our nursing school exams were ridiculous - they were written just like the NCLEX questions. The teachers at school were only preparing us for the NCLEX all along! So I passed the first time, with no problems. Shortly after this time, I also got married. Another mistake. It has since been corrected.
So I start working as a Registered Nurse on a Medical/Surgical floor at Shannon Medical Center in San Angelo, Tx. At first, it was kind of cool - going to work. After a while, I really got tired of seeing the same patients day after day after day after day after day every time I came in to work. Even after I'd had some time off, the same patients. I felt like an underpaid babysitter - I knew I had to get out. So I start looking around for another job. I apply to the emergency department downstairs and am refused - twice. So, I applly to the ED across town at the other hospital in town - and get a part time position. I begin working there "part time" 40 hours a week. After a month, they decide they want to make me full time and I get to tell the nursing supervisor on the Med/Surg floor just what I think of her and her unit. I'd been waiting for that for almost a year.
Don't think that everything about nursing school and nursing in general is bad - it's not. The money is great if you work it right (if not, you get paid peanuts), you can't really beat the hours, the job market is insane (have you ever heard of the nursing shortage?), and the work (in certain areas) is very cool. I just wasn't meant to be a med/surg nurse - or a ward nurse in general, I think. Of course, this may have been only this one unit - there were some extenuating circumstances going on as well as what is listed above - nothing is ever black-and-white. I may have been perfectly happy on another unit or in another hospital.
Working in the Emergency Department as a nurse is about as close to what I envision true nursing to be as one can get. When people talk about the healthcare "team," this is what they are talking about. Nurses working alongside physicians working alongside respiratory, etc. Everyone works toward a common, forseeable goal. And everyone works hard. None of the shirking responsibility I was always experiencing on the floors. If something doesn't get done, a person can have a bad outcome - not necessarily die, but they might be in the department longer than they need to, etc. Believe me, the physicians and nurses want as few people in the waiting room as possible - so if your treatment takes too long, they start to get edgy.
During this time, I finished up my prerequisites for medical school and took the MCAT. I also decided I wanted to do some travelling before I started school again. I started looking into travel nursing positions. After a few months I landed a position in Philadelphia at Presby. Presby is a nice little "community" hospital right on the cusp of West Philly - not too good a place to be caught late at night, but if you continue down Market for about 10 more blocks, it's a whole lot less good - if you know what I mean.
In May of 2001, we move up to Philadelphia and I started working at Presby. What I didn't realize when I took the job is that Presby is a teaching institution affiliated with the University of Pennsylvania. Very cool, indeed. For 6 months, I got to hang out with residents and medical students, pick their brains and even teach them a little. I also made some of the best friends of my life. Presby was a very cool place and I would love to go back there some day as an attending physician. I really became interested in perhaps pursuing an academic position after going to Presby.
During September of 2001, a group of freaks from the middle east decided to drive a bunch of planes into a few buildings around the nation. I got called in to work that day and spent 12 hours working on a disaster call. That was a bad day in Philadelphia. Everyone was scared and panicked. Noone knew what would happen next and we saw probably more than three times our usual volume that day because everyone in the surrounding neighborhood was freaked. To tell the truth, so were we. The following day, myself and a group of nurses from Presby volunteered to go up to NYC to help, but were refused. They said they already had more help than they could use - which was a good thing.
Of course, during this time, I was interviewing for medical school. I had an interview at XYZ medical school I think the week after September 11th. That was not a fun time to be in the airports. I also had a few other interviews I had to fly out for over the ensuing months, but standing in line for 6 hours the week after 9/11 trying to catch a flight to LMNOP state was not fun. The others were cake-walks in comparison.
I finished my assignment in Philadelphia in December of 2001 and we drove back to LMNOP to enjoy Christmas with my family before starting my next assignment. Why did I choose to come to QRS? I was all but told during my interview that would be accepted at ABC and I loved the school so much I decided to come here and anticipate matriculation in the fall. I took a travel position and worked there for 7 months until school started.
Since then, I have been in medical school.
And that is basically my life up until this point. I'll write more about the intervening time in future entries and tell all about my first 2 years of medical school - and of course I'll be writing about my current experiences as well.
I hope you've enjoyed my life story. Not the best, nor the brightest, but all mine.
more to come...
posted 28 July 2004, Wednesday
A visitor made this comment,
I knew I wanted to become a doctor, however I did really badly on my second year of undergrad were I lost completely my self-confidence and onward my grade kept dropping to the point of C average. I just barely graduated; I could not even pursuit a Master degree, as most programs require at least a B average. I went right into the work force, because of financial necessities, but I find my self everyday, thinking about only if I chosen an easier undergrad program I could have had a good GPA and could have gone to med school. Now I am afraid if I drop everything and go back to school, how about if I can’t do well again. I don’t have the self-confidence, motivation, but it’s still my dream to become a doctor, I almost 29 yrs. I don’t see myself going back to school for at least few years, because of financial obligations. As a result of this I feel completely hopeless. I guest the reason why I am writing to you is that your store really inspires me and I just want to know how you stayed focus and motivated. Thank you, and sorry for my bad English.
Udona
comment added :: 9th December 2004, 11:49 GMT-06
DeLaughterDO made this comment,
Udona,
Thanks for sharing your story with us! I understand what it can feel like to be worried you cannot realize your dreams - hell, I STILL sometimes feel that way and I'm in med school (some days it just doesn't feel REAL).
What can I tell you about motivation? Probably nothing you don't already know in your heart of hearts. Becoming a physician is your dream. If you want it badly enough and every day you ache for it, you'll find a way.
The first step is always the hardest. Once you're out of school and in the workplace, it can be VERY scary to return to school and have to quit working (especially since you become dependent on that income). Could you possibly take an evening class or two to try to get back into the practice of studying?
Do you have someone close to you that is supportive of your dream? I know that is often the most helpful when you are having difficulty believing in yourself... to have your own personal cheerleader, if you will. They can help you through the harder times when you only want to sit down and give up.
First and foremost - I think you need to look seriously into yourself and decide if medicine is something you really, truly want. It's not an easy road; if you are easily discouraged, it might not be for you. You have to be tough-minded and goal-oriented.
I wish you luck in your journey. I think you can do it if you truly want to. Age is not a reason to give up on your dreams. I am 28 now.. We have several people in our class over 40! You're much younger than that...
Look into your heart and follow your dreams! ¶ 9:04 PM
